Brush up your Shakespeare!

Brush up your Shakespeare – from Kiss Me Kate …

If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopatterer

If she fights when her clothes you are mussing
What are clothes?  Much ado about nussing

Love it.

So what WAS all the fuss about? Oh Hamlet, Ophelia pain.

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

THIS MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF MY LATEST NOVEL

THE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE DETECTIVE AGENCY

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

SchoolofNight(7)

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

Posted in HISTORY, HUMOR | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

BET YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE: HISTORY IN PHOTOGRAPHS

History doesn’t have to be a long time ago. Live past thirty and you can remember history.

We even have photographs of history.

Here are a few startling and varied ones.

Let’s start with a knot unbroken for over three thousand years until this photograph was taken: the seal on Tutakhamen’s tomb.

Tutankhamen

The unbroken seal on Tutankhamun’s tomb, 1922

Take a look at these guys. Prison photograph, you think?

Princeton

Mafia boot camp?

No, 3 Princeton students after a freshmen v sophomores snowball fight in 1893.

Think that’s harsh? Take a look at this:

Carl_AkeleyThis is Carl Akeley, the father of modern taxidermy, after killing a leopard with his bare hands. They don’t make men like that anymore.

This is why:

Mr._Akeley_after_being_mauledYou go round stuffing animals, it will always end in tears. You have to wait till they’re dead, Carl. And this was another bad idea:

Akeley._An_Idea_that_Failed

Revolution can be tiring. So on May 15, 1960, Che Guevara along with boat mate Fidel Catro competed against Ernest Hemingway at the “Hemingway Fishing Contest” in Havana, Cuba.

Che Guevara, Hemingway, catro

I hope he caught a Red Emperor.

Here is a view of the employees of the New York Central Railroad in 1918, with a pyramid of captured German helmets, with Grand Central Terminal in the background.

New York Central StationNot something you see every day. Neither is this.

Ku Klux Klan

Members of the Klu Klux Klan sightseeing at the Capitol, 1925

I doubt that the current incumbent would have asked them in for tea in the Oval Office.

And now a photograph of the world’s first tweet.

computer, twitter, Microsoft

Actually, it’s a Seattle City Light employee working at an analog Enns Power Network Computer, 1968.

He’s putting a picture of his cat on Facebook.

And last, here’s the original Christopher Robin with Pooh Bear. Oh and the guy is AA Milne, the guy who created them.

AA Milne, Winnie the Pooh

 

IF YOU LIKE HISTORY YOU’LL LOVE MY NEXT BOOK.

AND IF YOU LIVE IN THE US YOU COULD WIN A PRINT COPY.

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER BY CLICKING RIGHT HERE!!

SchoolofNight(7)

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

Posted in HISTORY | Tagged | 4 Comments

SHAKESPEARE OWED IT ALL TO A GOOD EDITOR

Lake Union, the historical imprint of those terrible godless people at Amazon, recently bought world rights to ISABELLA, Braveheart of France.

So I had the great pleasure of working with Tegan Tigani, on the second edit.

She was brilliant.

Now I understand why Shakespeare did so well.

As Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie demonstrate, right here:

Perhaps Bill was distracted. There was a lot going on in his life:

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

THIS MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF MY LATEST NOVEL

THE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE DETECTIVE AGENCY

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

SchoolofNight(7)

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

Posted in HUMOR | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

BOOK LAUNCH 101: THE WORLD WE LIVE IN

The modern book launch: how do you expect to be taken seriously as a writer if you can’t make a video?

RoughJustice(9)

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

AND YES, THERE’S A VIDEO!!!

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

Posted in HUMOR | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

GET UP! GET DOWN! GET THE TRAIN!

Another video from my adopted country, this time from my adopted city.

Here’s what we do when WE go to work!

The video from one man flash mob, social artist Peter Sharp, has attracted attention from around the world.

Mr Sharp said it was a way to help people transition from “fear-based public spaces to love-based public spaces”.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but on the train it’s like this crazy void where people just disconnect from life and the opportunities sitting next to them,” he said.

Well, if you’re not going to sit there on the way to work and read one of my books, like my niece does – God bless her cotton socks! – then you might as well be up and dancing!

RoughJustice(9)

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

PINK AND HER VIETNAM VET DAD

The amazing Pink brings her Vietnam Vet dad on stage to perform a song he wrote himself about the war.

Someone described this as Full Metal Chills. I agree.

Warbaby, Colin Falconer

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

LETS ALL PLAY A TRICK ON A HOMELESS PERSON

I’m feeling pretty crap at the moment, life has not been good lately, so I thought I’d make myself feel better by playing a trick on a homeless person.

Let’s rip up their sign!!

That was fun. To have even more fun, you can donate to this homeless veteran’s fund right here.

It could help the guy get an apartment, food for six months, new clothes for job interviews, maybe even start a new life. I hope so.

So here it is. I’m playing it forward. Nothing like a good prank.

alan mcracken

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 2 Comments

THE JOYS OF RESEARCH #2: SIBERIA. MIDNIGHT. JUST YOUR PAJAMAS.

So this time it was the Trans Siberian Express from Moscow to Vladivostock. Photo: Jim LinwoodWe had got as far as the tundra and so far no one had thrown up in the dining car. Things were looking good.

There were four people in our cabin; a Dutchman, well into his sixties; a young English bloke; and us. The Dutch guy was very quiet and kept himself to himself, sitting on his bunk, staring out of the window or reading paperback.

Late one night, somewhere in Siberia, we pulled into a train station. I sat up. The Dutch guy got out of his bunk, put on his dressing gown, and said we seemed to be stopping for a while and that he was going to stretch his legs. The others were still asleep.

After a while I dozed off again, too.

photo: Jim LinwoodWhen I woke we were rattling away again, the vast tundra stretching out either side. The Dutch guy – never did find out his name – was not in his bunk. Wonder where he went? Must be in the dining car.

As the morning passed and he didn’t come back from breakfast, we started wondering aloud where he was. We asked questions of other passengers. Finally we told the conductor, who organised a search.

He was no longer on the train. But is passport was still in backpack. So were his wallet and all his credit cards.

Bugger.

Dutch train passengers outside the Netherlands Consulate in Omsk

Dutch train passengers outside the Netherlands Consulate in Omsk

Never did find out what happened to him. Sometimes I imagine him standing on a deserted train station, in the middle of the vast tundra wastes, in his paisley dressing gown and slippers, waiting for the next train and nervously eying the wolves watching him from the end of the platform.

Or toiling in a windswept prison farm, somewhere near Omsk, eating gruel and tearing at a moldy hunk of stale bread with frost-blackened fingers.

How did he miss the train? I’ll never know.

But at least the story had a happy ending. He left behind some rather tasty poffertjes in his backpack. They were delicious.

FRIDAY: the joys of research #3: DOGS ON A TRAIN

Silk Road, Colin Falconer, Genghis Khan

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

 

 

Posted in HUMOR, WRITING | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

WHY I’M PROUD TO BE AUSTRALIAN TODAY

The video was made by Sydney Macquarie University media and law student Kamal Saleh, as a social experiment to test if anti-Islamic views in Australia were as widespread as the media would have us believe.

“This video is hard proof that the Australian public do not welcome hate against Muslims,” he said. “Yes it does occur but it is clearly not welcome.”

The footage was shot at Hyde Park in Sydney on 2nd October, between 2pm and 5pm

Mr Saleh said he expected most people would ignore the Muslim woman and boy who participated in the experiment. Instead almost every person who witnessed the attacks sought to intervene.

Well done, Australia. Hope for humanity yet.

Silk Road, Colin Falconer, Genghis Khan

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 2 Comments

the joys of research #1: BIG CHUCK IN LITTLE CHINA

photo: jan reurink

photo: jan reurink

I was finishing the research for SILK ROAD. We were on a train from Xian to Kashgar, three days that would take us south of the Great Wall, skirt the Taklimakan desert and on towards the Pamir Mountains and the distant Stans – Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Afghanistan.

It was dinner time. We went into the dining car and sat down. The menu was in Mandarin, of course, but never mind, once we saw something we liked on another table we would just point.

We looked around. There was nothing that didn’t look like gristle floating in fat.

"So who's turn to throw up and who's turn to mop?"

“So who’s turn to throw up and who’s turn to mop?”

So we ordered two beers while we thought about it. The beers came warm, in a big wooden bowl.

Okay, never had beer that way before. Something new.

The guy sitting at the table in front of us stood up and patted his belly with both hands. Wow, he must have enjoyed whatever he had.

Or maybe not so much.

Because next thing, he projectile vomited down the aisle of the dining car. It hit the door behind us like pellets out of a shotgun. There was a stunned silence.

The chef is informed his services are no longer required

The chef is informed his services are no longer required

The guy nodded and walked out. The waitresses ran up with a cloth and a bucket of water and gave them to his wife. She then got down on her hands and knees and started mopping up after him.

We finished our beers. The waitress came over and pointed to the menu. We shook our heads. What’s: ‘Thanks but we’ve lost our appetite,’ in Mandarin?

We lived on biscuits and chocolate bars the next three days. Never mind, when we got to Kashgar, things were bound to get better.

We reached our hotel. There was a tourist standing outside.

We waved. He leaned over and threw up.

Welcome to the world of research.

Wednesday: The Joys of Research #2. Why not to get off a train in Siberia in the middle of the night.

Silk Road, Colin Falconer, Genghis Khan

EVERY MONTH YOU COULD WIN A COPY OF ONE OF MY BOOKS!

JUST SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER RIGHT HERE!!

CB Valencia croppedCOLIN FALCONER

 

 

 

 

Posted in HUMOR, WRITING | Tagged , , | 2 Comments